Ouch

There I was.  Sitting reverently during the sacrament yesterday, minding my own business, when suddenly I was overwhelmed with powerful, crippling feelings of inadequacy and tears.  What?!  Where did that come from?? I mean, there have been a few trials the last few months, but mostly just lots of happiness and feeling good. 

Doubts about all my talents and abilities were suddenly at the forefront of my thoughts.  Jealousy of my amazing friends and their talents soon followed.  The things I do and areas I excel in were instantly not good enough and would never quite measure up.  My mind is not sharp enough, my home is not clean enough, my voice isn't good enough and on and on and on.

Whatever turmoil was boiling under the surface, no way was I letting it out where everyone else could see it.  I had to figure out where this was coming from and get it in check quickly.  First things first.  Stop the tears.  Easier said than done, especially when you have Grandma Marchant's tear ducts working against you.  ;)  Deep breath in.  Exhale slowly.  (Thank you Pilates and yoga!)  I was up extra late and I did have slightly tender ears from standing in front of 4 massive speakers while listening to a friend's band play Saturday night.  Maybe I am just extra tired.  More deep breaths.  Ok.  Tears are in check. 

Now what's up with this whole not feeling good enough thing?  (More deep breaths)  I found myself reciting lessons learned inYoung Women and as early as primary.  I am a child of God.  He loves me.  Repeat.  He doesn't mind my shortcomings as long as I am working towards improving them.  That's what He is there for.  Repeat again.  Slowly my thoughts returned to normal and I could move on to listen to the speakers.

This whole experience left  a deep impression on me though and I thought about it all day yesterday.  Satan was working on me this much I understood.  That was a scary realization.  Not wanting to have that happen again, I decided it was time for a little more goal setting.  Since most of what I was feeling failure in where talents (versus spiritual preparation or homemaking skills), that was where the goal setting would begin. 

I have always considered myself a "jack-of-all, master of none" when it comes to my hobbies.  Being able to do one thing exceptionally well would be such an awesome achievement for me.  I laid out 2 or 3 things I've been wanting to work more on and learn more about.  I've picked one of those to work on heavily for the next three months.  That's not enough time to make me an expert in any area, but I feel it's a reasonable amount of time to decide if it's an area I could master.

The goals I set in January are coming along nicely.  Making it to the temple 2x a month in tax season is already proving to be difficult, but going at least once per month is definitely doable.  Working out has become a top priority.  I've been having fun and am feeling really good which was the whole objective anyway.  I'm happy with 3 times a week.  I've been able to squeeze in a 4th workout and sometimes even a 5th, but it's nice to not have the extra pressure of needing those numbers to meet my goals.  I'm ready to take on this new goal which I will name shortly, but not until I've gotten some other things in place to help me out.

Hopefully it will be a long time before I feel like that again.  I do recognize that it has spurred me on to action though and for that I'm grateful.

Little Tidbits

And I'm immediately thinking pineapple! 

I'm already off topic. :)

Anyway.......We've been working on our basement for...um...2.5 years now.  A huge part of the hold up is deciding what to do with the ceiling in the craft/laundry room.  It's a mess of all kinds of pipes and wires, most of which aren't tucked up neatly between the beams.  Shudder...My mom eventually volunteered my handy man dad to come put up a suspended ceiling for me (thereby clearing up clutter from her house since he had the supplies laying around).  We also had to wire a light in.  There was an existing feature in the laundry portion of the room, but my craft area was a dark corner.  Lots of time hanging with my dad and a week later:

Ta-da!  We have light!  And a ceiling.  Wahoo!!There's still a bit to be done, like sheet rocking one wall, taping and mudding another wall, painting, adding a door to the bathroom and flooring throughout.  It'll get done.  Eventually.

I also (partly in thanks to my wonderful new lighting) finished my first goal of the year.  I finished scrapbooking our Disneyland trip (from 07).  The goal was to have it finished before this coming weekend (as in the 22-23 of Jan) before my big scrapbooking crop that I'm attending.  Honestly, I'm done with 07. I just need to get a few holiday pictures out of the way and that year will finally be history.

Last, but not least.  The kids talked us into a game or two of Uno attack the other night.  After the first round Sophie had the hang of it enough (with help) that I could have my own hand. We were all having a lovely time.  Then I looked over at my darling baby girl and nudged Jeff.  We broke out in hysterical laughter.  Sophie was holding her hand with the cards fanned out between her toes!  The big and second toe to be exact.  Jeff grabbed the camera and we caught this for posterity.  Love it!

The Year of 30

I am a huge fan of goal setting and love the idea of New Year's resolutions. This year is a special year for me and will therefore have some slightly loftier goals than normal with a lot more hardwork put into them.  This is the year I turn 30.  Many of my friends have already hit this major birthday and I am inspired by their general wonderfulness to go at 30 head on and embrace, even celebrate it.  So-for the next 12 months, I will be continually setting goals (and reaching them) to make the next decade better then the last.

First things first-we'll take care of the surface cleaning.  I am going to have a very active year starting with my goal of working out 3x a week this month.  Trimming down a little would be nice, but is not the ultimate goal here.  The summer of 08 was my most physically fit period of my entire life.  I looked pretty good if I do say so myself.  But more importantly-I FELT the best I've ever felt.  I had abundant energy.  I had confidence and I was happy.  That is what working out is all about. 

Next-Getting to the temple is proving hard for me.  Maybe I'm intimidated by calling a babysitter for this.  Maybe I'm lazy.  Either way it needs to change.  The goal? My temple attendance in 2010 is going to be the best it's ever been since having kids.  My goal right now is 2x a month-once with Jeff and once to do initiatory work with my temple buddy.  (Melissa-we need to plan a time!!)

I'm still working on my list, so if you have any great ideas to share for celebrating 30, pass it on.  The list will get longer as I get more involved in this.  I can't wait!

(My spell check is gone-so excuse any misspellings please.)

A Beautiful Day

I am having a beautiful day and wanted to share something beautiful with you. I only wish they were real. (Can't you just imagine how wonderful this bouquet would smell?!)

I was thinking yesterday that if I have to put up with cold and snow and wind, at least I'm in Utah. The sun comes out in January here. Lots. Lucky me! I also cleaned my master bathroom yesterday. It's not big, but it hadn't been deep cleaned in a long time. It took me all morning, but it's done and sparkles. Even Jeff noticed. The best part (ok-besides now I'm not scared to take a shower anymore) is that the whole time I was able to keep the window wide opened and never got cold. Today, more window are being opened. Fresh air will be coming indoors. :)

Monday I cleaned my own room. Not as bad as i thought it'd be. Last night we helped the kids clean their rooms. I woke up to a clean main floor. Those flowers are almost as beautiful as that feeling.

Today, it's time to tackle the basement. Dust, vacuum, windex (the TV). It's all gettin done. In fact, it's all done. Except the playroom. That's next on the list.

Wonder what brought on this sudden burst of cleaning? (Because, let's face it. Keeping a neat and tidy house is just not my forte. It's ok. ) It's my vacuum. My old $60 Eureka from Shopko died. I was insistent on getting a bissell. That was the brand of our first vacuum which lived with us in all four of our homes. It was a good friend of mine. Sniff...Ahem.. Anway. We searched out different brands (trying to be opened minded) and price ranges (wanted something good that would last a while) and got our beautiful new (shiny red) Bissell. It cleans my floors wonderfully. When those are done, I am so happy I decide to move on to dusting or making beds or...You get the point.

Life is good. Have a great day. Glad you're my friends!!

I'm A Believer

I've used the Mr. Clean magic eraser before and have seen good results, but honey, I am a BELIEVER now! I have been putting off my disgusting shower because anytime I tried to clean it with other products, it took way too much muscle and toxic fumes to get any results-let a lone the ones I wanted. Last week I decided I had enough and wanted a sparkling shower again. I mulled my plans and tactics over in my head and had the thought that I have a few friends who use that little white eraser on everything. Why not? I'll try it. At least there isn't the toxicity in the air like with bleach. Ladies (and any gentleman that may drop in), I now have a very sparkly, white, CLEAN shower. Thank you, Mr. Clean. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!

I also BELIEVE that I can change. The other night Jeff and I were chatting while playing a game. I confessed that I have no follow through. So, we made a list of several things I haven't finished mostly because I lost interest or got it done "enough" to get by. I am happy to say that several things just were checked off yesterday with not much effort. What a silly girl I am.

I believe that I am hungry now, so I'll go fix dinner....